Things that would never be said in the Twilght Saga

[vamp na hEireann]

Bella: Hey Look! *gets glitter and pours over herself* I'mmm EDWARD CULLEN!


Jacob: Stop Bella! I have to tell you something...
Bella (wide-eyed): Yes Jake?
Jacob(evilly): I am your father!


Bella: I'm sorry Edward! I can't do this anymore! Theres...someone else..
Edward: What?! (appears physically and emotionally broken) Wha?! Who?
Bella: Cedric Diggory!


Bella: Wanna play a new game?
Edward: Sure! What is it?
Bella: Annoy the werewolves!
Edward: Annoy the-
*Bella pushes Edward over the treaty line*
Bella: HAHAH! *runs away*


Bella (singing): III kissed a wolf and I likeed iiitt!
Edward: WHAT?!
Bella: Errrrmmm...nothing...


Bella: *throws a stick* FETCH!
Jacob: Excuse me?!


Abi x

I literally laughed out loud at that...and now everyone is looking at me funny...

[animegaijingirl]

OK, so bad thread to find at work! I've been sucked in and lost a good hour or so, at least I'm alone today so no one heard me laughing like a moron (I hope!)

[chach]

^lol

Rosalie: Do my hips look smaller, Emmett? Ive been on this carrot diet lately and i dont think its working

[team_edward_cullen1]

Rawr, first post!
The entire SKITS thread would never ever happen...

And here's this one, based on the Kool Aid Dude...

Mike: *pokes Edward*
Edward: DON'T TOUCH ME, BEVERAGE!
Mike:

Does anyone get it..?

lol. i didnt get it at first but when i did i laughed for 10mins. hilarious.

[team_edward_cullen1]

i dont know if this is funny or not:
seth: jacob, im not sure i like this pack anymore
jacob: no seth, you have to stay, your sister will hate me if you leave,
seth: sorry jake, im just not that into the whole werewolf thing, have fun on your date with leah

new here so im still figuring out how to do stuff. thought this woudnt ever happen. EVER.

[Holly[TwilightLover]]

Hm.
Well I just heard the song Give You Hell


Bella: -walks past Edward and sings- When you catch my smell, hope it give you Hell hope it gives you Hell. When you see my blood, hope it gives you Hell hope it gives you Hell.
Edward: -glares- Dont tempt me Bella. -licks lips-
Bella:

[HollyLovesTwilight]

Hahaha
I know Im probably going to get yelled at this but oh well.
This is something I would NEVER see happening

Edward: -in passionate voice- You have to see what I do in the sun

I know it was in the movie.
But I didnt like how it happened

[Mortifera]

Jacob: I really am a werewolf! Watch this!!! *Strips off all his clothes in front a group of other teens, and nothing happens.*

Seth: Why is Jake just standing their naked?

Sam: I got that Haitian guy from Heroes to come hangout. When he's around, our abilities don't work.

Seth: Does Jacob know this?

Sam: *Grins* Nope.

Seth: Dude, that's just mean...I wish I would have thought of it first.

OMFG! That is great! Not that there aren't others that have made me laugh so hard I'm crying now but that just put me over the edge! I so hope that I don't wake my husband up reading these! That's pee my pants great! Okay my turn...

The Cullens (post Bella vamping) are watching Pirates of the Carribean...

Edward: I don't get it. It's Johnny Depp as a pirate. Is he drunk or retarded?
Bella: Who cares! I just want that Dress. Do you think my boobs would look good in a dress like that?
Edward, Jasper, and Emmett: Definitely.
Rose: Well if Bella gets Kiera Boobs then I get Orlando Bloom!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edward slowly walks into Emmett's room.
Edward: Um....
Emmett: Yes?
Edward: I have a confession.
Emmett:
Edward holds up handcuffs.
Edward: I kinda broke them...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alice walks, unnoticed, into her closet to see Emmett wearing her prom dress
Emmett: *singing* I'm not a girl....not yet a woman. All I need is time. A moment that is mine. While I'm in between...
Alice bust out laughing.
Emmett turns slowly.
Emmett: It's not what it looks like.
Alice: At least its not a tea party this time!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cullen Family Movie Skit Night

Carlisle: So what will it be!
Esme: It's Emmett's turn to pick.
Emmett: I choose....*thinking* Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.
Carlisle: Harry Potter it is.
Emmett: Carlisle is Dumbledor. Esme you get to be Magonigal. Jasper you're Ron. I'm Harry. Alice you're Hermione. Rose you can be Fluer. Bella is Cho and Edward is Cedric.
Edward: Wait a minute. I think I've done this before. I have a weird sense of Deja Vu!
They all look at him.

[twilight_moon09]

Cullen Family Movie Skit Night

Carlisle: So what will it be!
Esme: It's Emmett's turn to pick.
Emmett: I choose....*thinking* Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.
Carlisle: Harry Potter it is.
Emmett: Carlisle is Dumbledor. Esme you get to be Magonigal. Jasper you're Ron. I'm Harry. Alice you're Hermione. Rose you can be Fluer. Bella is Cho and Edward is Cedric.
Edward: Wait a minute. I think I've done this before. I have a weird sense of Deja Vu!
They all look at him.

OMG!!! That was so dang funny! lolz. I would've played Crumb...is that weird? Lolz.

Okay, lemme take a crack at it.

----
(Bella's first hunting trip with just the guys...[with Edward, Jasper, and Emmett])

Edward: I'm not so sure about this...
Bella: Don't worry. I'll be fine.
Emmett: Yea Edward, lighten up. I'm sure Bella's a natural.
Jasper: Right, I mean, she's probably not better than us, but...
Emmett: Yea, hardly.
Edward: Well I know that, I'm just a little nervous for her.

Bella freezes mid-step.

Bella: What?
Edward: I mean, come on Bella. There's no way you could be better than us at hunting...
Emmett: Yea, we're guys.
Bella: From what I heard from Rose Emmett, you have a hard time finding ANYTHING. Has she been having a lot of headaches lately?
Emmett: WHAT?!?
Jasper: Bella, we didn't mean to offend you. We just know this to be true.

Bella: Yea well, "Anything you can do I can do better..."
Edward(laughing it off): Please...
Bella(poking him in the chest mad): "I can do anything better than you."

Jasper takes one big huff of air then takes off.

He comes back two seconds later in a flash with a deer in his mouth, he drops it to the ground mad.

Jasper: "No you can't.

Bella takes off a second later, only to return with two deers in her mouth. She drops them then crosses her arms.

Bella: "Yes I can!"

Emmett gets infuriated and takes off next, returning with big grizzly bear in his mouth and hands. He drops it in front of him.

Emmett: "No you CAN'T!"

Bella rolls her eyes and takes off, and comes back a second later with a mother grizzly bear and a cub, then drops it pretending to check her nails.

Bella: "Yes I CAN!"

Edward is livid now. He takes off the quickest, returning a millisecond later with a full grown, male mountain lion in one hand, dragging a female and a cub in the other.

Edward(pissed): "NO. YOU. CAN'T!!!!!"

Bella takes off instantaneously, later returning with something big and furry in her hands.

Bella(excited): "YES I....... (looks down)..... .....OH NO, JACOB!!!!!!!

I don't know if it was that funny, but it was pretty funny in my head.

[debussygirl]

^^ Yes, that was funny!