Things that would never be said in the Twilght Saga

[ringswraith]

well i haven't done these in a while so here it goes....

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*Bella and Renesmee walk into their cottage*

Renesmee: Mommy can i have a dog?

Bella: Why sure sweety. We'll pick up one tomorrow.

Renesmee: Yay!!

*Next Day*

Renesmee: I'll name him Kibble!!! We'll do everything together!!! He'll be the best dog Ever!!! We'll play outside all day!! It'll be the best summer Ever!!

*Next Day in the Cullen house*

Renesmee: Mommy, have you seen Kibble?

*Emmett walks in licking his fingers*

Emmett: Hmm! Hot dogs are good!!! Yummmmyyyy!!

Rensemee: MOMMY!!!!!! EMMETT ATE KIBBLE!!!!!!

I read this and laughed for a minute thinking "Kibble's in bits! Kibble's in bits!"

[Sydflower]

[quote="debussygirl"]Ty Pennington: GOOOOOD MORNING CULLEN FAMILY!!!
Cullens come out to find the Extreme Home Makeover team on their lawn.
Ty: We have been amazed at your generosity and hard work as a doctor Carlisle, so we've come to build you a house that you deserve!
Esme:
Ty: Now, as we're-
Suddenly, a large group of girls come running up with tools in their hands.
Ty: Uh-oh. WHO HIRED EMMETT'S DEMOLITION CREW??!!

Lol, that was one of the funniest things I have ever read! I have been laughing all night. Haha.. I still am : )

[Jazz Girl]

So, I totally can't take credit for these. It's my husband who's the smarta@$ in the family.

Overheard as Mrs. Cope reads the morning announcements at Forks High School:
"And our many thanks to the Cullen Family for sponsoring this year's annual blood drive."
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At Bella, Edward and Alice's graduation party. All the Cullens are gathered outside:
Carlisle: Okay, everyone. Drinks are in the house.
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Charlie to Edward: Edward, do you know how fast you were going, son?

[debussygirl]

What Really Happened at Edward's Bachelor Party
Edward: Why'd you guys bring the car? We could just run to go hunt.
Jasper: Edward, Bella has neighbors. We wouldn't want them seeing.
Edward: *shrugs* Okay, whatever
They get in the car and start driving.
Edward: Um, Em, the mountain lions are that way. *points in opposite direction*
Emmett: *grins* I know.
Edward: No. No guys, we can't. We can't go there.
Jasper: Why not?
Edward: Why not?? I'm going to be married tomorrow!! I can't go there the night before I get married!
Emmett: But Jazz and I did it for our bachelor parties. You went along with it.
Edward: But that was before I met Bella. I shudder to think of going there now! How could I face her tomorrow, knowing what I'd done tonight?
Jasper: C'mon Edward, it's just a little fun.
Edward: Well, maybe we could go for a few minutes.
Emmett: I think someone needs to get in to the bachelor party spirit!!
Jasper and Emmett: *sings* I'm a Goofy Goober!
Edward: *half-heartedly* Yeah.
Jasper and Emmett: You're a Goofy Goober!
Edward: *more enthused* Yeah!
Jasper and Emmett: We're all Goofy Goobers!
Edward: *totally into it* YEAH!!!!
All 3: GOOFY GOOFY GOOBER GOOBER YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!
They pull up to the parking lot and get out of the car, jumping around and screaming like crazy into Goofy Goobers.
Edward: Yeah!!! Let's go blow bubbles!!!!

[ringswraith]

Renesmee (skipping into the room): Mommy! Daddy! Guess what! I'm getting a puppy!

Bella and Edward (flitting outside simultaneously): JACOB!

[-Jasper]

Ty Pennington: GOOOOOD MORNING CULLEN FAMILY!!!
Cullens come out to find the Extreme Home Makeover team on their lawn.
Ty: We have been amazed at your generosity and hard work as a doctor Carlisle, so we've come to build you a house that you deserve!
Esme:
Ty: Now, as we're-
Suddenly, a large group of girls come running up with tools in their hands.
Ty: Uh-oh. WHO HIRED EMMETT'S DEMOLITION CREW??!!

'We've come to build you the house you deserve'
That's so funny! EDC is the best

[Heart Stiller]

Mike, Jacob, Edward, and Jasper stand at a bustop waiting.

Edward says, "Hey guys, did you see the new Terrace and Phillip yet?"
Mike responds, "Shut up you stupid rich vampire!"
Edward, "Well at least I'm not a fat *** like you Mike!"
"HEY! I'm not fat I'm big boned!"

[heifergrl1]

What Really Happened at Edward's Bachelor Party
Edward: Why'd you guys bring the car? We could just run to go hunt.
Jasper: Edward, Bella has neighbors. We wouldn't want them seeing.
Edward: *shrugs* Okay, whatever
They get in the car and start driving.
Edward: Um, Em, the mountain lions are that way. *points in opposite direction*
Emmett: *grins* I know.
Edward: No. No guys, we can't. We can't go there.
Jasper: Why not?
Edward: Why not?? I'm going to be married tomorrow!! I can't go there the night before I get married!
Emmett: But Jazz and I did it for our bachelor parties. You went along with it.
Edward: But that was before I met Bella. I shudder to think of going there now! How could I face her tomorrow, knowing what I'd done tonight?
Jasper: C'mon Edward, it's just a little fun.
Edward: Well, maybe we could go for a few minutes.
Emmett: I think someone needs to get in to the bachelor party spirit!!
Jasper and Emmett: *sings* I'm a Goofy Goober!
Edward: *half-heartedly* Yeah.
Jasper and Emmett: You're a Goofy Goober!
Edward: *more enthused* Yeah!
Jasper and Emmett: We're all Goofy Goobers!
Edward: *totally into it* YEAH!!!!
All 3: GOOFY GOOFY GOOBER GOOBER YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!
They pull up to the parking lot and get out of the car, jumping around and screaming like crazy into Goofy Goobers.
Edward: Yeah!!! Let's go blow bubbles!!!!

Yay for SpongeBob!!!! That is hilarious! I was wondering where this was going, but the Goofy Goober thing slays me.

-Elizabeth

[twilight_moon09]

What Really Happened at Edward's Bachelor Party
Edward: Why'd you guys bring the car? We could just run to go hunt.
Jasper: Edward, Bella has neighbors. We wouldn't want them seeing.
Edward: *shrugs* Okay, whatever
They get in the car and start driving.
Edward: Um, Em, the mountain lions are that way. *points in opposite direction*
Emmett: *grins* I know.
Edward: No. No guys, we can't. We can't go there.
Jasper: Why not?
Edward: Why not?? I'm going to be married tomorrow!! I can't go there the night before I get married!
Emmett: But Jazz and I did it for our bachelor parties. You went along with it.
Edward: But that was before I met Bella. I shudder to think of going there now! How could I face her tomorrow, knowing what I'd done tonight?
Jasper: C'mon Edward, it's just a little fun.
Edward: Well, maybe we could go for a few minutes.
Emmett: I think someone needs to get in to the bachelor party spirit!!
Jasper and Emmett: *sings* I'm a Goofy Goober!
Edward: *half-heartedly* Yeah.
Jasper and Emmett: You're a Goofy Goober!
Edward: *more enthused* Yeah!
Jasper and Emmett: We're all Goofy Goobers!
Edward: *totally into it* YEAH!!!!
All 3: GOOFY GOOFY GOOBER GOOBER YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!
They pull up to the parking lot and get out of the car, jumping around and screaming like crazy into Goofy Goobers.
Edward: Yeah!!! Let's go blow bubbles!!!!

----

This one. Friggin. Rocks!!! I Have to watch Spongebob now!! I love it!!! It's the funniest I've read.

Okay, I'm gonna take another crack at it.

--

Edward: Hey Bella could you come here, I need you to sign something.
Bella(signing it): What is it?
Edward: My life insurance plan. I'm making you my beneficiary. So in the event that I die, you will get all of my worldly possessions.
Bella: Are you serious?
Edward: Yes. What's the problem?

[edsbestfriend]

Bella: Hey Charlie did you see Stpehanie Meyer sitting over there?
Charlie:No, but i love her books.
Bella: Pfft falling in love with a vampire what a load of rubbish that would never happen...