Twilight Skits

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bite_me
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by bite_me »

omg i haven;t been on the skits for months... can someone fill me in on whats happening? Who's adam lambert?
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DoNotFeartheDark
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by DoNotFeartheDark »

A emo guy from AMERICAN idol. he lost. :D
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brunetterebel010
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by brunetterebel010 »

Pete Wentz: *taps Adam on the shoulder* Hey, saw American Idol, sorry about you loss.
Adam: I'm really okay with my loss *sniffles a little bit*
Pete: No you're not, not yet, *whispers in ear* but I can make it better *
Adam: *nods*
Pete&Adam: *run away together*
Edward: *wails agin* Adam-poo!!!!!
Bella: Eddie-poo it's okay! I'm here. *cradles sobbing Edwdard in her arms*
Bob: Okay, this joke is old. *ninjas his way in and hits Edward again*
Edward: Bella, I love you so much, let us go do non-PG13 things *procedes*

~Meanwhile~
Emmett and Jasper have gone out on the town

Jasper: Emmett, I'm really thirsty,mayb we should go hunting and come back to town later?
Emmett: I have a better idea *taps fingertips together evilly*
Jasper: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Emett: If you're thinking what I'm thining you're thinking...Yes.
*mutual evil grins*
*Both procede to nearest bar*
Jasper: *lures totally hot drunk chicks to the back of the bar with his wonderul talents*
*Jasper and Emmett draw blood from totally hot drunk chicks and release them*
Emmett: Ready Jazz?
Jasper: Affirmative
*both chug blood*
*both are now extremely intoxicated*


I'm out of ideas-let the drunken shenanigans commence!!!!
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purple_panda
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by purple_panda »

thank you! the skit thread was dead for so long...

jasper: why do i see purple bunnies dancing in the room?
emmett: cause you drank drunk person blood
jasper: oh no, im going to die! *starts sobbing*
emmett: carlisle can save you!
jasper: daddy! *tries to leave bar but runs into door* ow, i hit my emo bone
emmett: emo bone?
jasper: yes, i use it to be emo
emmett: haha, you ran into a door
jasper: *sniffle* that hurt
emmett: come on, we need to see carlisle
jasper: no
emmett: the purple bunnies are going to get you if you dont.
jasper: nooo! *runs*

brunetterebel010
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by brunetterebel010 »

*Door of the Cullen house is mowed down as Jasper runs through it. Screaming like a little girl*
Jasper: Noo!!! The purple bunnies will EAT ME!!!
Emmett: *rotflol*
Esme: Jasper! There are no purple bunnies. Emmett, how dare you tell him such a thing. (sniffs their breaths, notices eyes* Have you been drinking HUMAN BLOOD?? *shockface*
Emmett: *sheepish* Let us explai
Esme: Emmett how could you! Jazz was doing so well, he hasn't even lunged at anyone since Bella's birthday party last year! *rants on*
Emmett: *waits till she gets done* Esme, it was donated blood, and I just did it becuase the alcohol in their blood has a funny affect.
Esme: *shakes head sadly* *looks at the door* *sad at first... then her eyes light up* Well, thank you I suppose I have been looking for a good reason to renovate some more. I suppose the absence of a front door is as good a reason as any. *thoughfulness*
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DoNotFeartheDark
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by DoNotFeartheDark »

WOOHOOO!!!! drunk cullens!!
... has anyone else noticed that Adam Lambert and Pete Wentz look JUST like each other?....ANYWAY!!! :D

Jasper: Dear Esme, why-why is there a magen- magen *tries to say magenta, but EPIC fail* purple cat on your shoulder?
Esme: there isn't a purple cat on my shoulder, dear
Jasper: * looks devestated* there ISN"T???
*carlisle walks in*
Jasper: *points drunkenly, swaying* LOOk!! Iz- iz Tom Cruise!!
Carlisle: :shock:
Jasper: Flying SOCKS!!
Carlisle: what happened to Jasper, Emmett?
Jasper: he DOmeSticaTED the PREmisES!!!
Emmett: *throws an arm around carlisle's shoulders* We had a- a *hiccup* little FUUUUUUNNNNN.......*looks* Was your hair always green?
Carlisle: Did you...did you do what i think you did..? *smells breath* EMMETT! How much do you think this has impacted Jasper??
Emmett: Re-relax johnny depp. jasper iz FIIIINNNE
*both look*
Jasper: *spins tipsily* look, its a swan scone. swan scone, scone swan, swan scone,scone shaped like swan, scone swan. SWAN SCONES!! *laughs histerically* JAMAICAN PEANUT BUUUTTTERR!! *trips over own feet, collapses*
screaming Fangirls(i am not ashamed to be one of them): VULERUNABLE MEAT!!!!!
Emmett: FANGIRLS!!!
Jasper: AZTEC PRIESTS!!! *screams like a little girl*
Carlisle: Hurry, hide him!!
* try to lift jasper, but fail*
emmett: Jasper, GET UP. the fangirls are coming
Jasper: What about the Jell-o??
Emmett: forget the Jell-o-
Jasper: WHERS THE DOUGH BOY???
Carlisle: Jasper, this is no time to be worrying about a marshmellow-
*screaming fangirls are advancing quickly*
Emmett: Jasper, run, ITS THE PURPLE BUNNIES!!!
Jasper: NOOOOOO!!!! *runs impossibly fast, shrieking like a little girl* HELP ME TOM CRUISE!!!! SAVE ME BABY JESUS!!!

*sigh* that wasn't funny....SQUADALA!!
Monica Romela, the Spaz of the Mafia; The Cheerful Assassin
Image Banner courtesy of Cullen_Lover
Co-Founder of ALESW; Awesome League of Extroadinary Skit Writers. Yes, it's sparkly.

brunetterebel010
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by brunetterebel010 »

Adam Lambert& Pete Wentz: *Look up from their make-out session.* What the Matthew McConoughey is going on here?
Jasper: *talking super fast* The purple bunnies are after us, but Tom cruise *points to Carlise* is going to save me, but he won't let me have my jell-o and things the doughboy is a marshmellow.
Adam: You sir are DRUNK!
Jasper: *sideways face puppys make when confused* No I'm not.
Emmett: Yes *hiccup* Jasper, you are.
Jasper: *le gasp* How did this HAPPEN?
Emmett: *facepalm* Jasper, we went and got blood donations from drunk ladies...
Jaspser: :idea: I remember that!... Wait! Vampires can't get drunk. It's all in our heads.
Emmet: No Jazz you're drunk.
Jasper: No, I'm not
Emmett: Purple bunnies
Japser: *girlsqueal* WHERE? They're gonna EAT ME!!!!
*Jasper runs away and all Cullen's chase him*
Adam & Pete: What was THAT? Oh well *shrug* Back to our totally wonderul make-out *kissing noises*
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DoNotFeartheDark
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by DoNotFeartheDark »

Fangirl breaks away from crowd

FG: Where's Edward?
*sees Bella with Edward, holding hands*
FG: Ooohhhh, why does SHE get all the Edward awesomeness?
*Gets devious idea*
FG: Mwahahahahaha!! :lol: :twisted: *Ninja's away*

Emmett: JASPER!! Stop-stop- *trips, stumbles* Stop running. I need...I need...
Jasper: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Emmett: I-I...*rooom spins before him* Why-why do I feel...d-dizzy? *vision blurs*
Jasper: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Emmett: Uhhh...*Fangirl pops up before him, hands on hips* How-where did you come from?
FG: *smiles slyly* Goodnight teddy bear
Emmett: What-what do you- *Eyes grow big, freezes* :shock: How do fangirls DO that? *collapses heavily on ground, passed out, dart in butt*
FG: *whisper* We just can :twisted: *whistles* *another fangirl pops up* help me take him to the van
*drag Emmett to big van, slides door open and throws him in*
FGs" *high-five* *puts glasses on* 8-)
FG: BR, take Jasper out!
Ninja Fangirl pops out of nowhere*
Jasper: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
NFG: *holds out a battered pan*
Jasper: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
NFG: WAM!!! *smacks Jasper with pan*
Jasper: My emo bone!! *knocks out*
FGs: *drag Japser to car, throw him in*
FG: Mission Accomplished

-----Edward fangirl-----
FG: Stay STILL Bella! *ties knot*
Bella: But...i don't wanna go into space. Why am i strapped to a rocket?
FG: *innocently* your gonna see the mooooon! *waves hands in magical motion*
Bella: But Earth has all of my favorite things, like, Oxygen, and, Edward
FG: But you gunna see the Mooooon!! *magical motion*
Bella: * hynotized by magical motion* oooooooohhhkay.......
FG: GOODBYE BELLA!!! *releases rocket, shoots into sky*
Bella: Help me Tom Cruise!!!
Monica Romela, the Spaz of the Mafia; The Cheerful Assassin
Image Banner courtesy of Cullen_Lover
Co-Founder of ALESW; Awesome League of Extroadinary Skit Writers. Yes, it's sparkly.

brunetterebel010
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by brunetterebel010 »

Tom Cruise:*recorded message* Scienology won't allow me to help you. Please call for assistance from some other toatlly self-absorbed, immature, cradle robbings celebrity who is also so stupid as to NOT be a follower of scientolgoy
All Fangirls: Hahahaha! Tom Cruise won't save you!!! You are OURS Cullen men! OURS!!!! *collective evil laughter*
Jasper: *wakes up* *rubs emo bone* *cries*
Emmett: *wakes up in van*
Fangirl: *does the knockout thing*
Emmet: *klunk*
Jaspe: Emm, you gotta wake up
Emmett: *wakes up*. Whats wrong?
Jasper: We aren't in Kansas anymore!
Emmett: We were never in Kansas
Jasper: *cries:
Fangirl: hahahahaha. Does fangirl thing
Emmett & Jasper: *klunk*

Okay, sorry, it's not funny, I'm just trying to keep the thread alive..
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DoNotFeartheDark
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by DoNotFeartheDark »

Must.save.THREAD! *flies in with fangirl superpowers*

Jasper: *wakes up, wriggles* Why am i tied up? And why is Emmett in a cage in a.....bear suit?
*chair in front of him swivels around to show a person surrounded by various fangirls...*
Jasper: *wriggles* Jane? Jeez, what is UP with you? Do you still have a crush on Edward?
Jane: SILENCE
Jasper: *cringe*
Jane: No i do NOT have a 'crush' on Edward. You Cullens must suffer by the hands og CRaZED FANGIRLS!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!
Jasper: *mutters* the fangirls aren't the only ones who are crazed....*louder* How did you do it?
Jane: I enlisted the help of rabid fangirls, you'd surprised as to the length to which they'll do things to aquire the taste of a Cullen.
Jasper: The fangirls- wait, taste? WTF?
Jane: :twisted: fangirls, DO NON PG13 THINGS TO THE CULLENS!!!
*fangirl swarm*
Jasper: no.no, *wriggles in bonds* NO!! Emmett, WAKE UP!! They'll ruin my Cashmere sweater. RUIN IT!!!
Emmett: *stirs*
*fangirls swarm around him :twisted: *
Jasper: *turns head away, resisting* No, NO! I'm CLEAN!! I-i'm a VIRGIN!!
*fangirls stop :shock: *
Random FG: you are?
Jasper: *uncomfortable* :? well, no but...
Random FG: GET HIM!!
Jasper: NO, NO!!! I PREFER MEN!!!
*universal freeze*
FG: :shock: :o
Jane:WTF? :|
Darth Vader: *waves hand* there is a disturbance in the Force
Emmett: Whoa, what happened to me? My head...*holds head, shuffles to bars of cage* why am i in a cage in a....bear suit?
Jasper: that's what i said
Emmett: Wait, Darth Vader? Fangirls? JANE?! What's going on?? Jasper?
Jasper: Well, um, lets see...we were kidnapped by fangirls hired by Jane to capture us to plot out her revenge for us and umm i think i'm gay.
Emmett: :| Wow. Lets see then. *points with one hand* Look its a purple bunny
Jasper: *looks* Pshh thats not purple. Its fushia. Duh
Emmett: Yup you're gay
Jane: *facepalm* Ninja Fangirl, what did you use to knock him out?
NFG: *holds out battered pan*
RandomFangirl: *takes it*
FG: what does it say?
RFG: Buh- bu-aahhh-buhh
Jane: *swipes it from her* :roll: It says BOB. oh wait! *Facepalm* Dammit!
Monica Romela, the Spaz of the Mafia; The Cheerful Assassin
Image Banner courtesy of Cullen_Lover
Co-Founder of ALESW; Awesome League of Extroadinary Skit Writers. Yes, it's sparkly.

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