Twilight Skits

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Cullen_Lover
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by Cullen_Lover » Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:39 pm

We should really get to skit writing guys! What was happening in the script? I think we are still in Harry Potters lair...
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19nomad90
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by 19nomad90 » Sun Nov 22, 2009 2:18 pm

Dum de dum... I haven't a clue what's going on... something about magic bushes and kool aid men... ah well who needs understanding when you're on a SKIT thread? :lol:

*In Harry Potter’s lair*
Bella: *regaining consciousness* Uhh... what happened?
Alice: Many strange and confusing things
Bella: Oh... hey look a magic bush!
Alice: Sith Lord Alice commands thee not to touch that magic bush
Bella: Whyy? *picks up bush*
*Seth, Mike, Jake, Edward and Rosalie all tackle Bella*
Alice: That would be why
Rosalie: Give me the magical bush! I deserve it
Jake: Why do you deserve it??
Rosalie: I am the prettiest!
Jake: I saw it first!
Seth: I snorted dirt!
Edward: I’m sparkly!
Mike: I LOVE EDWARD
*everyone stares at him*
Bella: Would you all get off of me! I can’t breathe!
Harry Potter: You people are insane! Just take Nessie and leave! Please!
Everyone else: Huh?
Harry Potter: That was the whole reason you people came here! To save Nessie!
Everyone else: Who?
Nessie: *facepalm* That’s it! I quit! I just quit! *storms out*
Jasper: *comes running in* Look everyone! They gave me him back! The FBI gave knifee back!
Emmett: *comes running in* Look everyone! I found the key to Rosalie’s underwear draw! *lifts up costume to reveal black lacy bra*
Everyone: MY EYES!!!!
Jasper: Must...destroy...eyes! *grabs knifee*
Director: Woah woah CUT PEOPLE! I said to keep this PG! That means no lacy underwear and no eye removal! Now, everyone space out for the big fight scene!
Alice: No one tells Sith Lord Alice what to do!
Director: They do if Sith Lord Alice wants to keep her job!
Alice: ...Sith Lord Alice shall comply *drifts into corner grumbling*
Director: Now, where’s Nessie?
Nessie: *from far away* I quit your stupid SKIT!
Director: No you didn’t, you signed the contract in blood
Nessie: *stomps back into Harry Potter’s lair*
Jake: So then who gets the magic bush?
Director: I dunno... do we have any evil villains?
Rosalie: Me! Me! Me!
Director: Okay, you get it
Everyone else: Awwww!
Rosalie: *grabs bush gleefully then disappears*
Director: Oh great! We lost our villain! Okay you! Kid with glasses, show me evil!
Harry Potter: Right now the only thing I want to show you people is the business end of my wand!
Nessie: Amen to that
Voldemort: *bursts through wall* MWA HA HA HA! Harry Potter! Your time has come to die!
Director: Perfect! You! Scary snake... wizard...man thing! Go stand over there! *points*
Voldemort: Me? Really? Ooooh I’m gonna be a star! *dances*
Director: Okay! Everyone know what they’re doing?
Everyone: No
Director: Perfect! Annnd... UNCUT!
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DoNotFeartheDark
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by DoNotFeartheDark » Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:41 pm

Right. Back to skits.

Bella: *inhales* Alright. What do we do now?
Alice: *from her corner* Well, everyone's back now, from whatever they've been doing. So...
Emmett: *pulls down costume* now what?
Edward: Get off me!!
Mike: But. I. Love. YOUUUU!!
Edward: Don't. CARE!!
Jasper: *stuggling with the urge to stab eyes, and is holding the knife a few inches from his eyes*
Alice: Y'know....if you stab your eye..Knifey will break. ou're diamond hard.
Jasper: FUDGSICLE!!
Bella: Soo....*shifts feet awkwardly*
Edward: *Tries the shake Mike off his leg*
Emmett: I say...LET"S GO GET THAT MAGIC BUSH!!!
everyone: YEAH!! *all disappear in a POOF*
Edward: MIKE!!! They all left!
Mike: But you're so pretty....
Voldemort: But...I was going to be a star...
Edward: Wanna be a star? Get this thing off me.
Voldemort: Okay! MWA HA HA!!*waves wand* Avera Kedav-
Harry: WAIT! Don't kill him!
Voldemort: Why?
Harry: He can't be special like me!!
Voldemmort: Not to burst your bubble dorkus, but you ain't that special and fantastical.
Harry: :cry:
Edward: I'll do it myself!! *is above to toss Mike through a wall* RAAAHHH-
*wall bursts open*
Alice: We couldn't find her. Thanks to SOMEBODY....
Bella: *defensive* Well I didn't see the door, did you?
Emmett: I kinda did...
Jake: Psshhh I couldn't find the magical Kool-aid man...
Seth: My brain hurts....what were you doing Ed?
Edward: I was going to get rid of this pest. RAAAAHH-
*wall explodes*
Jace: *looks in* This isn't werewolf encampment...
Clary: Where...are we?
Everyone: :shock:
Jace: Who are you?
Simon: *Looks at them sparkling* What are you?
Alice: Vampires.
Simon: *snorts* YEAH right.
Edward: Why not?
Simon: Real vampires don't sparkle....
Jace: Nor do straight men.
Edward: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT???
Jacob: *fist punches Seth* Epic win. 8-)
Simon: *looks up at them* Jesus, you're big.
Jake: That's what she sa-
Seth: *punches him and glares*
Jake: *mutters* Sorry.

(( EDIT: *pokes skit and wails* I KILLED IT!!!!! JUST SKIP IT!! POST PEOPLE!!!
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Cullen_Lover
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by Cullen_Lover » Sat Dec 05, 2009 6:29 pm

This is genius! :D
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nezziecarlycullen
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by nezziecarlycullen » Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:30 pm

erm im confused...
i know who harry and voldemort are. but who are clarry and simon and those people.....
alices party planing comittie
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MuseAddict
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by MuseAddict » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:34 pm

Oooooh! They're the coolest book characters ever! Read Mortal Instuments, that'll answer your questions. and it's definitely worth it ;D
Somebody hand me my whip please... or you'll get know my heels!^^

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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by edward x lover » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:46 pm

erm hi haha I've been lurking-ish for like a super long time. I remember the old skits thread *heart breaks* but not on the old lexicon. So this is my attempt to clear up some confusion and maybe get the skit back to the way it was before. you know like a freshy start.
PS if you hate it skip it and continue with what ever you were doing before (^^)

SLA(sith lord alice aka a permanent name): enough of this shananiganns!!! (sp) *pulls out bag of sparkly powder and throws it in a poof around everyone who is supposed to be in the skit*
GIANT POOFFFF
*back at the Cullen house*
Everyone- :shock: what? how? where? who?
SLA-that's right bow down to me peasants I have maketh everything right in this beautiful skit! BOW!!!
Everyone-*bows*
Emmett-psstttt Rosie
Rosalie-IT'S MODEL WOMAN!
Emmett-what exactly happened
Alice (regular alice not SLA)- *in sing songy voice* the skit girls were sad that the skit wasn't like it used to be so I decided to bring everyone back here for a quick regroup and then off we go on our next lovely mission.
Edward-*looks around* but where's Nessie?
*Lights flick off* (anyone remember that Edward was afraid of the dark? =])
Edward-WHERE'S MY THUMB!!!

sorry if it was terrible, I'm rusty. I liked the oldish skits. you can all bring Harry and Voldie back if you like. This was just my sorry attempt at revival.
~Lee~
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DoNotFeartheDark
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by DoNotFeartheDark » Tue Dec 08, 2009 11:31 pm

I agree...fresh start should help...get things on track so we know what we're DOING :lol: Cause I don't.

Jasper: Well gee, Ed. It's usually attached to your hand, which is also connected to your arm, which is also incidentally contected to your body!!
Edward: DON'T THROW BIG WORDS AT ME!
Jasper: Edward-
Edward: I NEED MY THUMB!!!!
Bella: Edward, calm down honey-
Edward: WALLS. CLOSING IN. CAN'T BREATHE.
Everyone: Ed, calm, calm down...
Edward: *gasp* I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!!!!
Bella: Edward, Edward, honey. Where's your thumb?
Edward: H-here....
Bella: Now. Place. Thumb. In mouth.
Edward: *silence* AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Esme: What? What happened?
Edward: IT WENT INTO MY GODDAMN EYE!!!
Jake: Oh well damn Edward, just SCREAM it out...
Edward: Wait-wait...I think i found it!
*another silence*
Edward: Wait- holy sh- That is NOT my thumb!!
Jake: Then what are you sucki- :shock: Holy crap- If you value our reader's innocence, do NOT answer that!!!
Bella: Jake, he means MY thumb...what were you thinking??
Jake: Uhhhh....
Seth: DUUUDE. You're perverted!!
Jake: Am NOT!! It's just that his sentence left openings for...you know...anything.
*awkward silence*
Jasper: Well, at least the skit girls are happy.
Jake: *SNORT*
Edward: There's something wrong with me.
Jake: Tell me about it...
Edward: There's somethign wrong with me, there's something wrong with you
Jake: Dude, I didn't actually mean, tell me about it...
Bella: There's something wrong with with me, I hope your stepson doesn't eat the fish.
Jake: wait what?? I don't have a stepso-
Jasper: Killers never hurt feelings
Alice: Killers never hurt feelings
Rosalie: Killers never hurt feelings
Jake: What the hell is going ON???
Bella: GONORREA GORGONZOLA!!!!
Emmett: GONORREA GORGONZOLA!!!
Jake: WHAT THE F- Seth, RUNN!!!
Seth: Single files of clean feelings!!!
Jake: Noooo!! Seth, I've lost you!!!
Edawrd: I can't see your souls, souls through through your eyes!!
Jasper:The crying walls of SLIDING!! architecture-
Jake: It BURRNNS!!
Emmett: UPholSTery loving MEN!! all DWellINg in the WELls!!!
Jake: Emmett-dude what the hell-
Edward: *grabs Jake and says in creepily high pitched voice* There's NOTHING wrong WITH mE!!!
Jake: THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!
Edward: *leans closer* DON'T EAT THE FISH
Carlisle: *comes from behind and flips light on to reveallll....*

GASPETH!! Duude....too many System of a Down in...my system :lol: Woooo... that was weird...WOO!!
Monica Romela, the Spaz of the Mafia; The Cheerful Assassin
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edward x lover
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by edward x lover » Wed Dec 09, 2009 3:24 pm

yay I love fresh starts :)

*Carlisle flips on the light to reveal...JANE WITH MIND CONTROL DEVICES*
Jane-mwuahahahaha-
Rosalie-*momentarily regains control* what did I say about the evil laughing!
Jane-my plan is working! I will soon control all of the Cullens and in turn get Bob my one true love!
Bob-uhhh...
Jane-QUIET KITCHEN SUPPLY SCUM I WAS NARRATING MY EVIL PLAN!!!!
Bob-*to self* how does kitchen supplies commit suicide?
Jasper-oh I can help with that! Back when I was emoboy I had LOADS of plans! How painful would you like it to be?
Bob-wtffff I'm scareddd
Jane-ENOUGH! *switches on mind control device*
Everyone-I love Jane. Jane is goddess. Must please Jane. *In robotic voices walking around in circles*
Jacob-I'm the only one who can save the cullens! *pauses* wait do I want to do that?...YES I must save my Nessie!
Director-Will Jake save Nessie and the Cullens? Will Jane find her one true love? Will the-wait, why am I talking to myself?
~Lee~
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Re: Twilight Skits

Post by rapid_reader1 » Tue Dec 15, 2009 7:14 pm

OMG DoNotFeartheDark!!! You made my day with Jake!!! :lol: But, if you've ever read City of Ashes (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Simon IS a vampire, so he would believe in one. Also, Jace and Clary are shadowhunters so they would also know what they are. (END OF SPOILER ALERT!!!)

LOVINNNN the Skits, guys!!! Super funny!!

Jake: In order to even have a chance with this blue-eyeshadowed, crazy-red-eyed vamp chick, I must let go of my true form and become........WOLFIE BOY!!! Protector of little vamp/humans everywhere!!!!
Little vamp/human girl: YAY!!!
Jake: But not you. Only little vamp/humans with the nicknames of lake monsters!!
Girl: Awww man!!! *sulks off*
Jake: Not for my Nessie!!!!

Edward: Must please Jane...
Bella: *smacks Edward* Jane is goddess... (Under her breath) you will NOT please Jane!!!!
Bob: Jane....Jane...Jane...
*half hour goes by, everyone doing the same things*
Jane: Will they ever stop!!!!!??????
Everyone: Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane
Jane: I think I broke them!!! Oh well!! Time to drink some blood!!!

*Jane is drinking some random model's blood in an alley*
Everyone: Jane...Jane...Jane...Jane
Jane: OMG!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!!
Edward: Drink me Jane....Must please Jane....*Bella smacks him again*
Jane: Eddy, dear, I can't drink you. Not that you aren't delicious-looking, but your venom wouldn't be very tasty.
Jake: DUH-DUN-DUN-DUN DUH-DUN!!! *flies in and smacks into a wall*
Renesmee: Ouch, thats gotta hurt!
Mike: OHH!!! Jane dear, don't leave that model behind for long!!! I could use some practice for Edward.....
Director: PG!!! PG PEOPLE!!!
Edward: *gulps and wonders if there is any POOF stuff left*
Bob: *Wondering where Aro's green-goo from past skits long ago went*
Edward: Green...goo???
Jane: Oh yes, I have some!!
Alice: SITH LORD ALICE DEMANDS YOU TO HAND IT OVER!!!
Jake: OH GOODY!! I did save them after all!!! They've snapped out of it! Go me.....*does a happy dance*
Jasper: MY EYES!!!!!! ALICE!! I THINK I'M BLIND!!!
Alice: Babe, take your hands off of your face.
Jasper: NO IT WON'T oh. Look at that!! :)
*Jake still doing dance*
Jasper: AHH!! MY EYES!!!
Everyone: *sigh*


well that went nowhere.....=)
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