Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

bac
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by bac »

nissanmama wrote:Still, it's not like a Lifesaver Storybook, now is it?
*SNORT*
I don't own anything from Tiffany's. I would have been happy with a Lifesaver Storybook from a boy if a boy had ever given me one.

GNE, good thoughts for your mother in law and for you too. I think I feel your vibe closer today, like the FORCE is telling me that you are near.

QOTD: Does anyone else feel like this when encountering a similar situation? Can you NOT feel sympathy, even though you want to, because you've already been there done that?

I can't really add anything new to what other people have commented as far as sympathy and empathy.
I do find that perspective has so much to do with how we react to different people's situations. For instance, when I hear about GNE and others who are unable to have children I feel for them. I mourn a bit with them. I am blessed to have 2 children, but I always thought I would have more. It was hard for me when the "choice" to have children was taken away from me. However, at the same time, I can see how people like GNE (she has never said that so I am not trying to put words in her mouth, I am just using her as an example) or others may say that I can't possibly understand truly because I do have 2 children. How could someone with children ever be able to empathize with someone who doesn't? I hope I am making sense. My point is that it is all in perspective.
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by una »

Nima when I was MG's age - I would have been on cloud 9 if I had received a CARD let along lifesavers!! Those earrings are lovely - I have forwarded them to my hubby stating that if a high school boy can get them for his "interest", can he buy me them for Valentine's day?!? :lol:

Bac I think we all can try others shoes on. We'll never be able to really understand because we are different people, but we can make the effort to search ourselves and feel what it would be to have those shoes on. I hope that makes sense. That being said, unless you are actually in the situation, you'll never truly know - but it's the intentions that matter and support provided/given. I think it speaks to the person's character when they reach out.

And I certainly agree with Nima, no matter the situation, it is so vitally important to treat a person as a person. I know how crushed my mother was when she went to the doctor the day they confirmed her cancer had come back. Not one staff person, not ONE, would look her in the eye - she felt like she was receiving her death sentence. Luckily the Registered Nurse was a good man, he (as my mom says) treated her like a person and didn't make her feel like it was the end. Which is wasn't, she is still here and they actually had a treatment for her which she is still in the middle of and she seems to be responding well.

GNE has said that her MIL is out of surgery. She hasn't been able to see her yet but the tumor removed was 12 inches long (about the size of a watermelon). Thank you again, she truly appreciates the love and support - we'll keep you posted!
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by Goodnight Elizabeth »

Warning: This is a very long post!

You guys are so awesome. I really thank you all for your kind words and support. Thanks especially to Una & Vampman for staying in touch with me all day. You guys rock!! This day has lasted at least a week now.

We just talked to KNE's dad, and my MIL is feeling much better. When we left about 3 hours ago, she was coherent but in a lot of pain. The tumor was bigger than anyone expected. Her incision was from her bikini line to her chest. It HAD to be that big in order to remove the tumor. It was 12 inches and at least 8 inches around. The surgeon gave us a couple of photos of the tumor as it was being lifted out of her body. Most of us - including me - cried then. I cried because I felt like a poopyhead and because she's carried this watermelon-sized thing around inside her for over a year and had no idea. I remember how I felt when I finally had all my bad news. It brought it all back. I knew she'd be ok, but still to have carried that HUGE thing. It was only attached to her right ovary. It wasn't a difficult procedure and it took exactly as long as the surgeon said it would - about an hour. We were told she may come home tomorrow.

Bac: Sometimes I am a little peeved when people say that are sad they can't have more kids, but then I tell myself I am being one of those people I don't like. ;) I know 2 people who made comments about wanting more kids or not being happy with what they have. I have to remind myself that it isn't the GNE show.

Vampman: As much as I cringe to admit it, I think you are correct. Maybe I do feel resentful that all the heck I went through was minimized while my MIL's was made into a huge deal. My own mom even had the nerve to say "Eh, having kids is over-rated." I swear. Everyone else says "You can always adopt." Yeah, really.

I think it was Twimom who said she's not as empathetic as she used to be...that's me as well. I use to cry at everything and for everyone. Now, I'm limited. I still cry over abused children, the elderly being mistreated, tv commercials, sad books...

I think another reason for my lack of tears for people now is that I didn't get sympathy when I was in pain. My mom told me I was being a baby and to "suck it up because every woman hurts." There's also something else going on in my current life that is affecting me. Someone is suffering from something that was plaguing me 2 years ago. I received NO sympathy. Now, he wants sympathy and for me to baby him. (Can you guess who?) He was such a jerk when I was hurting. Grrr....I'm so so sorry for being such a whinebag.

THANKS RUM FOR THE DEATH CAB CD!!! WOO HOO!! :D
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by una »

SuperTwin you are not a whine bag but if you were a wine bag...you'd be empty by now, who here would pass up free wine?!! We are all human and that is what is so great about our group here, we are allowed to be human - open and honest about what we are going through. We all support each other and we're hear with advice, PSDs, funny stories, PSDs, distractions, PSDs, comfort, did I mention PSDs?? We are are on the roller coaster of life and luckily we are all in different parts.

I'm glad KNE's mom is okay, but I'm sure we'll be keeping her in prayer for a speedy recovery!
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by skylarblue »

GNE - I'm glad that your MIL pulled through. I didn't post earlier but I saw all the updates. I understand how you feel to an extent with how people treat one person differently then someone else when they battle the same type of thing.

I think that people belive that some are stronger then others and don't really need the support (if you can understand what I mean). It's not needing the support but they feel that they don't have to be there every step of the way because a person is strong and they can handle what they are dealt.

I find that a bunch of BS. I'm sorry that you didn't get the "support" that you needed/wanted (if you understand me, I'm sorry if this isn't making sense) but my family is the same way towards me. My aunt is battling breast cancer right now and I posed the question to my mom, that if it was me, who would be there waiting on me hand and foot? All that I got were the crickets chirping. So, with that I understood that if anything happened to me like that I would have to really battle on by myself but it didn't surprise me because I've always been the "black sheep" and the one who survives on their own but it hurts sometimes when your accomplishments or misfortunes are looked upon as they can make it, they don't need help. Sometimes it makes you bitter and what to go and scream "What About Me? Where was all this support and love for me, when I needed it?"

So, even though we may go through different things in our lives. I think that we can all relate and support each other here.
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by ellalou73 »

Hi everyone, I have been posting over at Gex X but found this thread just now, so I hope you don't mind adding one more to the group. I have much to catch up on it looks like.

GNE, I'm glad that your M/L is doing alright, and I will keep her in my prayers.

Don't know what else to add at this point so I might just wait until I get caught up more.
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by Goodnight Elizabeth »

SuperTwin: As usual --thanks. *Hugs*

Skylar: Yes! Exactly! I asked my mom this same question a few years ago. I was in a car accident on NYE 1991. My parents were notified but they never came to the ER. I was there for 7 hours. (I was the front page picture in the next morning's paper).

In 95, my parents heard over the scanner about a car matching my sister's being involved in an accident. My parents rushed out the door to see if it was my sister.

I also would disappear for a few days at a time when I was 19-20, and my parents seemed unconcerned. My sister went away for the weekend with another girl, and my parents gave her heck. Neither of us understood that one.

My parents call my sister every day. They call me every other week. My sister has the only grandkids. My sister has odd taste in husbands. I chose smart.

Later, I asked my mom about these double standards and differential treatments, and Mom replied that I'm the stronger one. She knows I can handle what ever is thrown at me. She said I'm smart, clever, and mean enough to get out of anything. LOL

I'm gonna have to quit posting or else run everyone away. Call me Debbie Downer. :cry:

ETA: Welcome Ella! (ella ella eh)
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by skylarblue »

GNE-I don't think you are being a downer, I just think it sucks that our parents/family members feel that there are people in the family who can handle everything and tend to not be too concerned while other's they fall over backwards to protect or defend.

I've been dealing with that my whole life. I was the first of the grandkids to graduate from college but no one came to see me walk across the stage. I got the excuse that it was so far away but when my cousin graduated everyone was overjoyed and no one understood why I was pissed or upset.

My grandmother actually had the nerve over Thanksgiving to tell everyone that I never graduated from college but go pregnant instead. I'm laughing now while typing this. I had to inform her that I did graduate with a degree in Psychology and I didn't get pregnant until I was 25 and she said that I was lying.

So, I kind of know how you feel but I'm at the point in my life that it's not going change and I can either accept it and move on or just dwel on it. Yes, it hurts but their opinion isn't going to change no matter what I do or say so I just make sure that I'm the better person and be there in someone's time of need but not get too emotional about the whole thing.

You are not DEBBIE DOWNER and isn't it why we are here to support each other?

Love your reference to Ella are you going for the Rhianna reference? That was cute!
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by spookybell »

I was going to PM this... put eh what the hell. PDA dang it!!! This is the gutter...

***throws bigs hugs around GNE*** Just because you are loveable!

**and another little hug**
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Re: Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

Post by Goodnight Elizabeth »

You love me! You really love me!

Thanks Skylar & Spooky!

I cannot believe I'm still awake. Someone come sing me a lullaby.
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