Gutter Gals & Guys - Baking Peach Cobbler

[ellalou73]

Hah, after that someone comes to sing you the lullaby will you kindly send him to me for my own Lullaby? I seriously need to go to bed but I can't pull myself away from these boards and now that I've found this thread, I have lots to catch up on. Good luck on the sleep thing GNE

[nissanmama]

Dang! I've got a lot to add to this conversation. It's probabaly good that I don't have time to rant at the moment. I have to get to spin in case I have to teach. I'll come back and edit this later when I've had an hour of sweat to de-stress my thoughts. (Have we touched a nerve possibly???) I'll bring PDS's with me when I come back to make my thoughts more palatable.

Oh, Welcome Ella!

[BlueStarlight]

GNE! I am so happy that everything went well for your MIL. That's just unbelievable how big the tumor was, and for her to have no idea for so long. I wish her a speedy recovery! *hugs to you*

*sigh* A friend told me last week that families and holidays are like drinking and driving- they shouldn't be mixed. Why is it that family can be the best thing in the world, and at the same time, the worst thing in the world?? Family is supposed to be there when others aren't; they are supposed to be your emotional support and your rock to stand on when your ground is giving way... they say blood is thicker than water. Why do we feel closer to our friends, then? Why do we turn to them in times of crisis, even when they don't understand what we're going through? *another sigh*

I couldn't believe it GNE that your mom said "having kids is over-rated." I bet that made you feel really good inside, huh? Sheesh! When I got my official results back in 01 and found out that conception naturally just wouldn't happen, and even fertility treatments weren't guaranteed, I just about died. I told my mom face-to-face that night, and I got nothin'...just a blank stare! Now, my mom is not one to display emotions, so I have no idea if she broke down afterwards...we've never talked about it. Mom's had 5 pregnancies with five healthy children. I was the first of us to get married... surely she thought "She will give me no grandchildren."

To all those out there who have adopted children, please know that I mean NO disrespect to you. Adoption is a wonderful thing. I know several people from my church who have adopted. My own BFF and her hubby adopted 4 kids last year. She is a stronger woman than I am. Just know that we all approach that subject differently; we all heal differently. What is right for one isn't necessarily right for all. *sigh* Why do people always say, "you can always adopt," like that is the band-aid for the HOLE that has been ripped in our soul?? The woman is the child-bearer, and when that has been taken away, the pain is worse than anything else in the world. The realization of knowing you will never fulfill the purpose you were created for is numbing. People think that adoption is the cure-all, and they say it a little off-handedly. I guess they really don't know what to say or how to feel, and it makes them uncomfortable talking about it. They don't understand that it's not the child himself that we so greatly desire... it's conceiving that child, carrying him for 9 months, and giving birth to him that we desire. GNE, it would be different if we had already had kids and then had the problems. I think we could deal with it on a different level...but knowing it will never happen...that is different, and I feel your pain. You are not a Downer; you're among "friemily" who know and understand!

[bac]

GNE-Another hug for you and for MIL.

BLS- I love "FRIEMILY". I have never heard that one before, but I like it a lot. We are one big happy FRIEMILY.

So since we are sharing parent stories....
I was diagnosed with melanoma when I was 24. I lived across the country from my parents so had to tell my mom over the phone. When I told my mom she said, "Oh Lord", in a tone like she was angry. Then she was quiet. It was a pretty short conversation because I was very teary. She was supportive, but I never got over the first impression that she was angry at me. Like someone else said, I think she got off the phone and probably thought, why did I say that? I don't think she was angry at me really, I think she just didn't know how to process it. There have been other times that she has been very supportive of me and come to my aide when I didn't really expect it. So I know that she just didn't know how to handle that situation.

[LadyDi]

GNE, you are not a Debbie Downer (if it'd cheer you up, we could compare you to another type of Debbie - the one in a certain area of Texas - hey, it's the gutter! - or that interior designer - or that perky actress). You are just as likely to have us howling in stitches laughing as you are to have us silently musing the unfair aspects of life. It's wonderful that you feel comfortable enough here in this little haven to be honest and frank about your feelings and challenges, and that you can find the support here. "Friemily" is a great term for it (must add it to the dictionary).

I don't think that parents or family members (or teachers or people in authority, for that matter) realize how powerful their words or actions (or lack of words or inaction) can be. I think if people realized just what an impact a carelessly tossed word or deed could have on a person's life, they'd be more cautious about what they said and did -huh, who am I kidding? Sometimes people can be too selfish to think beyond their own needs and wants.

Why do I all of a sudden have "Counting Your Blessings" from White Christmas in my head?

[BlueStarlight]

*snickers* I just made that word "friemily" up. Sometimes friends feel more like our family than our actual blood-family does. Strange, but true. Hmm, I really like the word. I'll have to use it more everyday.

Ugh. I thought I was done with Christmas shopping. I got out Sunday and bought the rest of the things on my list. Well, I have to go BACK to the store today for some little odds and ends. I really don't want to, but I have to.

[una]

I think one problem with the "careless" words is that old adage: the path to hell is paved with good intentions. I know some people are just natural problem solvers and want to help and give options to someone to ease their pain not realizing that what they are saying is more harmful than helpful. But it is like the band-aid on the loss of limb - the better thing is to listen. I have found the most comfort in being able to just vent and have people listen. And, for the record: YOU ARE NOT DEBBIE DOWNER! We all have our moments. *big Emmett hugs*

Okay, as we patiently wait for Nima to teach her bicycling-on-stereoroids class, here is my first impression of Talon from Dark Hunter. I do admit he is missing that drool-worthy tattoo.

P.S. We really need a hug smilie! Course this is the gutter - ooh I wonder, think we can have a *CENSORED*

[oleander]

GNE, I can officially say that you are NOT Debbie Downer because I take that title hands down! Besides, you're too cool to be a Debbie Downer! *runs across thread to give GNE a hug* You've had a rough week and it's okay to get stuff off your chest. My therapist has been working with me on dealing with emotion rather than stuffing it away until it explodes later on, so i'm all about venting. Bring it on! We're here for you!

bac, my mom used to get like that when i would call and tell her that there was something wrong with me. It broke my heart. For example, when I told her that i had been hospitalized briefly because an eating disorder she was furious! Her first reaction was: "We are not paying good money for food to feed the toilet! We won't feed you when you come home if you insist on keeping up this foolishness." Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and we've got a great relationship now, but things were bad. I finally called her on it once and she said that she wasn't mad at me, she was frustrated and sad for me because I had been going through so many problems, she didn't understand them, and she didn't know how to make things better for me. *runs across thread to give bac a hug*

ellalou73 this is one of my favourite lullabies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9U77qh62Rg and i'm dedicating it to you. *runs across thread to give ellalou73 a hug*

spooky, you get a hug just cuz you're my superTwinnie

BSL you get a hug because you rock and we both know what it's like to be on the other end of the "well, you can always adopt" conversation.

aw, heck...everyone gather round cuz i'm giving hugs to everyone today. I think we all need to stop and just give each other a hug because we deserve it. I am in the presence of the most wonderful women i've ever "met" and I take great strength in these wonderful (albeit sometimes heavy) conversations.

I think my Grinchy heart has been warmed and my usual bah humbug is now a big "aww, i love you!"

I've been in a great mood all day. one of my co-workers managed to find the Twilight calendar for me! Merry Christmas to me!

Oh yes, for those who are uncomfortable with hugs, i extend my hand for a firm handshake, and for the germ-phobic, i nod my head admiringly in your direction.

EDIT: I just realized that i excluded the men from this. Vampman, Misfit, and anyone else i've missed, YOU GUYS ROCK!

[Goodnight Elizabeth]

Why do people always say, "you can always adopt," like that is the band-aid for the HOLE that has been ripped in our soul?? The woman is the child-bearer, and when that has been taken away, the pain is worse than anything else in the world. The realization of knowing you will never fulfill the purpose you were created for is numbing. People think that adoption is the cure-all, and they say it a little off-handedly. I guess they really don't know what to say or how to feel, and it makes them uncomfortable talking about it. They don't understand that it's not the child himself that we so greatly desire... it's conceiving that child, carrying him for 9 months, and giving birth to him that we desire. GNE, it would be different if we had already had kids and then had the problems. I think we could deal with it on a different level...but knowing it will never happen...that is different, and I feel your pain. You are not a Downer; you're among "friemily" who know and understand!

I couldn't have said it any better. Thank you. I love "friemiy." Great word!

Now, I must vent. My "friend" and her hubby are on welfare. She doesn't work (he doesn't allow it) and they support her mother and her brother as well. Her brother is in his 30's and is fully functional. My friend & her hubby have 2 sons. Because they are on welfare, they paid nothing for either pregnancy, delivery, or hospitalization. They were wanting to have another child. I wanted to scream.

Another friend in college was freaked out over not getting pregnant within the first 6 months of her marriage. She was in her 3rd year of college, didn't have a job, hubby didn't have a job, but she took fertility drugs - and boom was pregnant 3 weeks later. She was also on medicaid.

My husband & I both have jobs. We've been married for almost 10 years. We're stable (for the most part). It would cost us between $10,000 - 40,000 to adopt a child. I know life isn't fair, but sheesh.

I think I'm done whining and complaining...for a while anyway.

Ginormous hugs to all my supportive Guttermates/Friemily. You guys are so special to me. Thank you!

Now I must risk my life on the icy trek to Walgreens.

[BlueStarlight]

My husband & I both have jobs. We've been married for almost 10 years. We're stable (for the most part). It would cost us between $10,000 - 40,000 to adopt a child. I know life isn't fair, but sheesh.

Yes. Exactly. This is what "people" don't realize when they say "you can always adopt." Like we haven't looked into that already, right? Yeah, I've got $30,000 in my cedar chest awaiting an agency who will accept us. I looked online a couple of years ago into a Christian agency in Dallas (it's the closest to us), and about fell out of my chair at the grand total of $30,000 to adopt. WHAT? These women/girls can come to the agency, be put up at no cost, not have to pay a dime for anything, but WHO pays for that? In essence, the adopting couple. The girls go to counselling, get wellness checkups, finish highschool if need be, get job training, life skills training, the works... we pay for that... of course, there are court costs, lawyer's fees, criminal history checks, background checks, home inspections, and a multitude of other fees that are included. They just make it so difficult. Adopting now-a-days isn't as easy as it was 15, 20 years ago. I think that the people who've never really looked into it are the ones who say "you can always adopt."

Una~ You are so right. 'Tis better to listen than to open your mouth and insert your foot. I would much rather have heard, "God bless you, I'll be praying for you" than anything. I had a few older ladies at church tell me that, and it was the most comforting thing to hear. Not "I'll pray that God gives you a child," or "I'll pray that God heals whatever is wrong inside," just "I'll be praying for you." Women know the emotional stress of trying to conceive, and I believe that's what they were praying for...emotional healing and well-being.

Oh yes, for those who are uncomfortable with hugs, i extend my hand for a firm handshake, and for the germ-phobic, i nod my head admiringly in your direction.

You rock, too, girl!! I love that statement. You always brighten my day with your posts!!!