corona, by that I only meant that she realized very soon after coming back from the blackness that it was the morphine keeping her still. She didn't feel grateful that she couldn't scream but she figured out pretty fast why. Right after the part you posted with her describing the baby kicking her ribs apart.corona wrote:This was my understanding, Grayce. When you say "as quickly as she realized why she couldn't", that would apply to everyone at the point they began to have awareness again. Bella maintained her silence for the last half, which was extraordinary, but she was hanging on by a thread and knew her body would betray her if she had to respond to Edward in any way. She at least had a reason for not crying out.
- "Bella? Can you hear me?”
I knew, beyond all doubt, that if I unlocked my teeth I would lose it--I would shriek and screech and writhe and thrash. If I opened my eyes, if I so much as twitched a finger--any change at all would be the end of my control.
"The fire blazed hotter and I wanted to scream. To beg for someone to kill me now, before I lived one more second in this pain. But I couldn't move my lips. The weight was still there, pressing on me.
I realized it wasn't the darkness holding me down; it was my body. So heavy..." "...Why couldn't I move? Why couldn't I scream? This wasn't part of the stories.
My mind was unbearably clear--sharpened by the fierce pain--and I saw the answer almost as soon as I could form the questions.
Yes, after her spine repairs, she starts to become aware and begins to remember and then becomes grateful that she couldn't move. She also gets stronger at that point as well. Hearing Edward's voice brings him into her focus so that she even ends up counting his breaths to mark time and by doing so, I think that gives her more strength.
Absolutely! Carlisle has extraordinary control, but he was the only one we know of who wasn't dying or near death already. He had a little extra "strength" to fight his own reactions because he knew what would happen. Similar to Bella when she does regain control. He wasn't weakened by sickness or injury, his spirit wasn't broken nor was his will to live. He kept quiet to keep from being killed and Bella to keep from tormenting Edward. We already know she would have died a thousand times to keep from hurting him.corona wrote:All of that is to highlight what Carlisle went through, which appears to be utterly unique. He was at least silent enough from the very beginning not to catch the attention of anyone in his village who was conducting a search. He may have made some noises, but not much. He maintained enough control at the beginning to actually seek out a hiding place.
As far as I know Carlisle is the only one who did not scream out from the very beginning. And, he was able to either maintain some kind of consciousness, and therefore self-control, sufficient to not cry out, or he simply didn't even as he was overwhelmed with the sensation of being burned alive for hours on end. Halfway through the process his self-control would have improved, just as it did for everyone else, but it is those first hours that are remarkable. It wasn't that his self-control finally came back to him, it's that it appears he never lost it.
Can you imagine!? I want Carlisle to go with me the next time I have to go shopping or to the DMV...