You keep saying you understand but honestly I real don't think you do.
I don't think ANYONE can truly understand what makes an abusive relationship, unless they have been in one, or have been very close to someone who has (mother, best friend you see every day - not just "i have this friend who...").
i think HOFJ that you are trying to see Edward's actions from an objective point of view, and pulling that one scene as evidence upon its own. however LOVE is not objective, and neither are people who are in them. Humans are not objective creatures. you cant just pull one scene out, and study ONLY that scene, without taking into account all the scenes that lead up to that point.
while you speak of a lack of communication, i agree somewhat, but i believe they were
communicating to each other, however, neither were ready to compromise at that point. they were both just as stubborn as each other.
and i disagree with you completely, that edward only gave in to bella, allowing her to see jacob because he realised he had lost control of bella. That is just not Edward's personality. Edward realised that by trying to prevent bella from seeing jacob, he was actually placing bella in a more dangerous position, as she had to make spur of the moment decisions. He also felt horrible that he had placed bella in a position where she had to sneak around behind his back, which was leading to resentment on her part. Edward did not want bella to feel resentful or restricted, or feel that she had to lie to him. He also realised that he was, in part acting upon jealousy. hence for these reasons, he was then able to comprimise with bella - even though he still did not want bella seeing jacob.